Letting It All Out

Sometimes I set back and truly wonder that, after it's been all said and done, what is going to be the apex of my life. What's even more terrifying is the distinct possibility that I may have reached the so-called high point in my earthly existence. If the latter proves itself to be true, then Lord have mercy on me.

For all of my nearly 42 years of life, I have overcome plenty of adversity. There were times that I knew it was nothing but the Hand of God that brought me through those trials and storms of life. Yet, for every victory I've had in this game called life, there were at least four disappointments. Was the Lord still there with me in the midst of those letdowns? Of course He was. We just have to understand and accept the fact that God is sovereign and His will must be done, and sometimes that can be a very bitter pill to swallow.

As I mentioned in the previous paragraph, I am now middle-aged. I won't lie; not only I do not like where I am in life right now, I absolutely despise it. My finances are a joke; I have a few freelance jobs, but in all honestly with my growing expenses, it's simply not enough. My health is a joke, and I certainly do not want to get into my health insurance situation. My question is, is my current lot in life truly God's will for me, or am I using His providential sovereignty as an excuse to cover up a lack of effort on my part?

Sometimes, I really believe it's a combination of both.

Nonetheless, like I mentioned earlier, the Lord has brought me through. Seriously, there are things that looked bad on paper, but in the end I came out smelling like roses. Still, I look at the success of my peers. You know what I'm talking about: Good job, nice cars, fine home, spouse & kids, etc. In all fairness, though, I have no idea as to what struggles they themselves encountered on their journey to these things. Regardless, it still would be nice.

Right now, I have to make a choice. On one hand, do I choose to pull up my bootstraps even tighter than before so I can at lease make some kind of positive and beneficial impact? On the other hand, do I continue to lament over what could have been? The answer is fairly obvious. I just have to make a more concerted effort, even though it wasn't like I wasn't making such an effort to begin with.

I know this blog seemed very bleak and all, but it's early in the morning and I needed to vent. To whomever that read this, thank you for your time; I do appreciate it.

Take Care & Be Blessed.